Yesterday was one of the first warm days in a while and as I took my nearly daily walk around my neighborhood I couldn’t help but notice how much, including the weather, had changed in such a short time.
Spring definitely seemed to finally be in the air. The earth was muddy with daffodils and crocuses pushing their way through. There was a greater amount and variety of birdsong. Only a few days ago there had been an enormous river that gouged through the beach as Richmond Pond overflowed into the ocean. It was so large, that you could no longer cross it to continue down the beach. Today it was greatly reduced and a land bridge was once again restored to allow me to walk the entire expanse of beach. And I couldn’t help recall, as I watched a lone swan on Richmond Pond, that only 2 weeks before, there had been two. During another walk, between that time and today, I had suspected that a swan had been taken by a predator evidenced by the enormous amount of white feathers and fluffy down that I had seen strewn across three neighbor’s yards. The wind had long ago picked those up and carried them away and now just the one swan remained. Had I not seen the feathers, I would’ve wondered why there was only one swan whereas there had been two all winter, but I wouldn’t have known for sure what had happened. This feels a little like the when the tree falls in the forest question to me. Did anyone, other than me, even ever know that swan had existed?
Last Spring was a time of enormous change for me and my family. We had sold our house and moved from a town that we had lived in for more than 20 years. I also turned 50 last Spring which was another grand marker of time and change. I’ve only begun to put roots down in my new town of Westport, MA and it seems as though Spring has once again brought a big change for me.
My husband has accepted a new job…..in COLORADO! He will leave on the 18th. I will stay here until the renovations on our house are completed sometime in late May early June. Phew, talk about the winds of change!
I don’t know what this new life will look like yet. I am holding the intention that I will spend some part of the year here in Massachusetts and some part out in Colorado. I am imagining what it might look like to get to teach workshops and see familiar faces when I am in Massachusetts and what it might be like to try to make that sort of offering in Colorado; a place where I don’t know anyone and no one knows me. To Colorado, I am like that swan that no one knows existed.
This isn’t something we planned for and it carries a big mixture of excitement, anxiety and a whole lotta “I don’t know”. In Kripalu yoga they talk a lot about riding the wave and encourage you to Breathe, Relax, Feel, Watch and Allow. This helps me to remain in the present moment and reduces the ego’s urge to worry about what I can’t know or control. It is interesting how excitement and anxiety can live so closely to one another. The key I am finding is to allow them to both be there without one overtaking the other. Non-Judgmental awareness (NJA) and welcoming each one of my emotions, just as they are, iRest style (or ala Rumi’s Guest House Poem), creates enough space for all.
As I am experiencing the visceral feeling that all living things must grow and change, I am reminded that my practices of yoga, meditation and iRest Yoga Nidra have always supported great change and growth of my inner world and I trust that they will continue to sustain me as my outer world and life changes too. Some days the best I can do is to take one breathe, one step, and that is okay. Other days I am filled with Joy and the wonderment of how amazing life is. Life IS good and I am so grateful for all my experiences! Ready or not, Colorado, here I come….
if you’d like to see more of my photos from my walk, check out https://www.facebook.com/ShaktiWellnessYoga